Finding Yourself as a Writer

Having an Idealized Version of Who You Want to Be as a Writer

vs. Who You Really Are as a Writer

For a long time now, I have been trying to fit myself into an idealized version of the writer I “want” to be, which is ironic because my personality usually rejects conventions. I thought I wanted to write science fiction, fantasy, mystery or young adult fiction, and for the most part I did write to these genres when I was younger, but forcing yourself to churn out stories that you think you want to write, verses discovering the stories within yourself are two very different things.

When I try to write “commercial genre fiction” it feels inauthentic. Most of the settings, characters and themes are based on whatever I’ve seen on TV or books. I even try to make characters similar to the character’s that I watch on television, but mold them into people who look like me, and yet they still don’t feel like they’re part of me. They’re someone else, from someone else’s vision. I think this phenomenon is especially common for POC writers.

Being a Writer of Color

I want to get into briefly about what it’s like to be a writer of color who loves books and stories, but has been underrepresented in these mediums: you struggle to see yourself in the worlds and stories you love. Whenever I found one black woman in any TV show I watched (because they were scarce in the books I read), I tried to hold onto them for dear life, even when their stories were severely underwritten, ignored or misrepresented. As a Dominican-American, I especially didn’t see brown-skinned Latinas like me, who grew up in Spanish speaking, Latin-cultured homes. I struggle to see a girl like me falling in love with vampires or going to a Wizarding school. That is years of not seeing myself represented anywhere in full effect. And, although I try to write stories like this for the teenage girl who longed for them, it’s not easy. I still have to battle against the false beliefs that have been constructed from consuming white media and having no context to draw inspiration from. But I’m beginning to realize that I can’t force these stories to come out. I need to find out what I have to say right now, by listening to myself, observing my environment and my world with a willingness to see the stories in them. In that way, I am the voice that I longed for as a teen.

Finding Myself

“Washed Up”, my short story, is still a work in progress, but it’s a story that came out naturally because I was drawing from my own life. It has fantastical elements and elements of magical realism. It also has themes of capitalism, family, depression and isolation, the struggles to age out of adolescence and the desire to be free to be oneself outside of conventions (which are also present in my other short stories). I didn’t know that that’s what I was saying, but these are, in fact, the themes of my own life. No book or TV show, authortuber, or writing teacher could have taught me that. The clues were already in my work and my life.

Discover Your Writer Self

So, fellow storyteller, strive to discover yourself as a writer. Sure, the genres and stories you like can be an indication of what you want to write about, but they’re not the only thing. A lot of the information exists in you and it will take writing several stories to figure out what you are trying to say as a writer. If you’re a writer of color, even though you may not have been represented in the books you’ve read or the movies you’ve watched, don’t try to make yourself fit into those conventions. Figure out what it is that you want to say despite what you know of the market. Our lives have so much material in it, lets use it!

Have you found yourself as a writer? Share your experience in the comments below!

Hi! Shantal here. I’m a writer and a storyteller. I created Shantal Writes to share my experiences with writing fiction. I also provide new writers with tips, tools, and writing advice. I hope you find something helpful while you’re here!